Auntie "Chanel"

As we recollected ourselves after the devastated bombshell attack of Joyce, we were quickly hit by a life-threatening bright orange piece of shrapnel!  Loyal reader "Paula" contributed this masterpiece of fashion victim exhibit, taken on the MTR - the mecca of fashion faux pas.

"What is with this giant piece of walking orange 'Chanel' with black 'trendy' Jeremy Scott-wing-lookalike flip flops?!"  "Is she sleep-walking?"  "Is she carrying fish in her black bag?"  Okay, before we bombard ourselves with questions and pass out in shock, let's examine this specimen bit by bit:

1) Head: Geeky glasses with hair in almost bed-head condition - creating an "au naturale" look
2) Body: Orange sleepwear with holes on shoulders - creating a "sexy" and mysterious look (any underwear beneath?  We fantasized...)
3) Legs: No fancy socks and the unkempt toe nails complement nicely with the overall "au naturale" look

So if you look at it her closely, she's not that bad!  You know, we Hong Kong people always talk about how we should not judge people by the cover.  We should all look beneath the glamour of a walking ad for Chanel and see Auntie "Chanel" for her own simplicity!

Hat tip to reader "Paula" for this brilliant submission!

The Death of HK Fashion

It was a scene of devastation.  The office of Hong Kong Fashion Police faced the day of Armageddon when the ultimate bomb of fashion faux pas dropped upon us as our browsers brought us to Joyce - Cast Your Vote.  Thrown off by the swamp of human drapery, MBTs, dropped-crotch pants, and "creative" styles, it was indeed difficult for Hong Kong Fashion Police officers to gather their poise back.  Violent cursing was heard followed by furious keyboard slamming, rapid arms throwing and eyes rolling.  We all thought Hong Kong has hope (no, no, we are not talking about the two Chief Executives-to-be).  We thought Hong Kong people may come back to their senses with simple, down-to-earth, and normal clothings that started to appear in shops.  Boy, were we wrong...

Joyce is a well-respected high-end department store in Hong Kong.  On its site, it mentioned:

"JOYCE: pioneering fashion and creativity in Asia for over 40 years.

We present a definitive, carefully selected edit from the most creative brands in a visually stimulating and unique environment.

Our aim is to deliver, nurture and develop the most innovative and inspirational design talents, and expose them to our friends at JOYCE."

Well, from this Cast Your Vote campaign, we can only say, it is 40 years down-the-drain of fashion going backwards, and we are not talking about vintage.  It is 40 years of elegance, class, and fashion sense permanently destroyed by this so-called creative era of hideous clothing!  So brace yourselves, be ready to be "visually stimulated" by these "unique" styles that will sure inspire you (to curse some) and make your stomachs churn...

This Fashion Blogger made our jaws dropped like there is no tomorrow.  2535 votes, one of the top rated "models" on the site.  Not sure what Rick Owens and Vivienne Westwood will think of his choice of picnic tablecloth top, lady's hat and flowery platform loafers, but we sure want to gave him a FP warrant without bail!  Hands up muthafucka!

This other one brings Hong Kong fashion into another level - the level of death penalty.  Oh and we are pretty sure 367 people are either blind or fancy the plastic bag lady in Central...

This last curse-inducing sample gives cross-dressing its new meaning.  You don't have to cross-dress your entire outfit, just the bottom half will give it so much new oomph that 1587 people in Hong Kong will think you are the hottest guy... or gal... alive!

So there you have it.  Hong Kong Fashion Police will need some time to regain its energy from this tragic, massive attack from Joyce.  We are not sure if this marketing stunt was to divert attention from the equally tragic political scene, but one thing is for sure, Hong Kong Fashion is dead!

Lolita Invasion

Hong Kong ladies are always seeking ways to prolong and revive their youths, from their love of SKII to Hello Kittys.  Hong Kong Fashion Police were happy to spot this office lady during weekday lunch hour with full-blown Lolita gear.  She would have easily mistaken for those creative Cosplay kids spotted often at Hong Kong Polytechnic University on weekends!  That pretty headband and those little white socks sure bring back school day memories.  She also cleverly matched the look with this cute little handbag with little kittens and puppies print on it, together with those cute dangly key chains, it is just so nice to feel young again!

This other lady was also spotted during weekday lunch hour on the way back to the office.  Nothing speaks Gothic Lolita better than black tutus and leggings with semi-knee highs!  Her boss must be impressed with her courage and commitment to bring variety to the boring office.

This last girl... or little lady decided to turn this sailor top into a mini-mini-dress.  Hong Kong Fashion Police marveled at her skills in not exposing her private parts, and more so in her attention to details with her cute red bow headband!  Boyfriend is oh-so-proud!

Human Drapery

The neighbor's laundry goes flapping in the fierce wind on this typhoon day in Hong Kong, inspiring HK Fashion Police to comment on the loose-fitting drapery-style clothing spotted on many ladies in town...

"Once upon a time, women were bounded by those god-forbid hip-hugging sexy dresses and jeans, corsets and the lot, that demonstrate the beauty of the female body.  Time is different now, let's liberate, girlfriends!  Let's get loose!  The hell with being pretty and sexy, we just want to look comfortable, trendy, and 'drapery'!" Chants Lucy, President of the Hong Kong Association for Womens Drapery Clothing (HKAWDC).  "The time to act is now!  Trash all your fitting clothes!  Pull down the curtains, make them into trendy clothings!  Let's make a mark!"

With the success of HKAWDC, scores of women in town make their statement by wearing loose-fitting drapery-style pieces.  The effect is unprecedented.  Indecent behaviour on the MTR dropped to an all-time low.  Men in town no longer have the temptation to even look at women.  Women feel safe like never before!  HKADC is currently running another program for men's drapery clothing, guys, you better watch out!

Sasha and Coco

"I'm telling you, no matter what clothes I wear, he just won't look at me!" Sasha b*tches to her friend Coco on her iCRAPhone.  "I know he loves sportswear and crazy about the 80's, so today, I had on this really sexy Nike tank with a pink headband and a mini vest.  And you know that funky two-toned leggings we got the other day at I.T. and those baggy sandals?  Yes, mega-hotness!  But he still won't turn his head!!"  Sasha's boyfriend continues to stare blankly ahead, trying to avoid her rapid gunfire...  "Why don't you just pose like a ballerina in front of him?  Guys dig that!"  Coco advises as she rummages through the Mercibeaucoup sales rack.  "Oooh, oooh, I think it's working, he's slightly turning his head!  You're a genius, girl!"



Vintage Misinterpretation

People often overuse terms like "cool", "awesome", "nice", etc, to generalize things that are, well, nice, awesome and cool.  HK Fashion Police noticed a new generic term in town - "VINTAGE"!  With everyone obsessing about wine tasting classes and with wine knowledge becoming a symbol of sophistication and power to attract the opposite sex, we wonder if this word in the wine context has somehow transferred itself to the sophisticated HK fashion world.

A perfect example is demonstrated by this Adidas Lookbook of our "favourite" Hilary Tsui!  Tsui described her style in this look to be "vintage".  Now according to Wikipedia, vintage clothing is a generic term for new or second-hand garments originating from a previous era.  Or according to Oxford Dictionary, "vintage" denotes something from the past of high quality. 

Let's observe this "vintage" look:  First, the look does not look entirely second-hand.  Second, we do not believe dropped crotch was anything close to any clothing from the past of high quality.  Okay, maybe it is borderline "vintage" of Hammer times, but we are sure this is not of any high quality.  The whole look deemed itself more "2000's trash" than "vintage"...

Next in line we have Sogo's recent "vintage" promotion:

What do you think?  We agree cowboy clothing can be considered "vintage".  However, this weird juxtaposition of cowboy and kintergarten sing-a-long setting with a pretty western lady in fancy modern dress just confuses the hell out of us!  Never mind, ladies in town will still flock into the most popular Japanese department store for deals and items that are simply "OH-SO-VINTAGE"!!

Hong Kong Super Moms

Halloween is 2 months away but eager parents in Hong Kong are already getting themselves prepped for the big day!  What better way to practise walking in clumsy costumes and hoarding bags of sweets than cruising around crowded TST and Causeway Bay in eye-popping clothing with shopping and trendy bags?

This trendy mama was playing mix-n-match with sailor-style top and colorful patterned socks that were a hit amongst chic guys last year.  To prove she was a mama of action, she carried a X-Game bag to show she was ready for the Halloween challenge!

 

This other lady was spotted rushing around Causeway on a mad dash to finish shopping for the kids in ridiculously colorful clown costume.  "The key is to run fast, attract attention and carry as much candy bags as you can," she told Fashion Police,  "if two hands are not enough, these pants got plenty of room for extra candies!"  Boy, are we jealous of their kids!  What talented mamas!

 

Hey, they can even save money hiring clowns for their kids' birthday parties next year!  We know Hong Kong mama's are not only practical but multi-talented!  Hong Kong super moms, we salute!