Auntie "Chanel"

As we recollected ourselves after the devastated bombshell attack of Joyce, we were quickly hit by a life-threatening bright orange piece of shrapnel!  Loyal reader "Paula" contributed this masterpiece of fashion victim exhibit, taken on the MTR - the mecca of fashion faux pas.

"What is with this giant piece of walking orange 'Chanel' with black 'trendy' Jeremy Scott-wing-lookalike flip flops?!"  "Is she sleep-walking?"  "Is she carrying fish in her black bag?"  Okay, before we bombard ourselves with questions and pass out in shock, let's examine this specimen bit by bit:

1) Head: Geeky glasses with hair in almost bed-head condition - creating an "au naturale" look
2) Body: Orange sleepwear with holes on shoulders - creating a "sexy" and mysterious look (any underwear beneath?  We fantasized...)
3) Legs: No fancy socks and the unkempt toe nails complement nicely with the overall "au naturale" look

So if you look at it her closely, she's not that bad!  You know, we Hong Kong people always talk about how we should not judge people by the cover.  We should all look beneath the glamour of a walking ad for Chanel and see Auntie "Chanel" for her own simplicity!

Hat tip to reader "Paula" for this brilliant submission!

The Death of HK Fashion

It was a scene of devastation.  The office of Hong Kong Fashion Police faced the day of Armageddon when the ultimate bomb of fashion faux pas dropped upon us as our browsers brought us to Joyce - Cast Your Vote.  Thrown off by the swamp of human drapery, MBTs, dropped-crotch pants, and "creative" styles, it was indeed difficult for Hong Kong Fashion Police officers to gather their poise back.  Violent cursing was heard followed by furious keyboard slamming, rapid arms throwing and eyes rolling.  We all thought Hong Kong has hope (no, no, we are not talking about the two Chief Executives-to-be).  We thought Hong Kong people may come back to their senses with simple, down-to-earth, and normal clothings that started to appear in shops.  Boy, were we wrong...

Joyce is a well-respected high-end department store in Hong Kong.  On its site, it mentioned:

"JOYCE: pioneering fashion and creativity in Asia for over 40 years.

We present a definitive, carefully selected edit from the most creative brands in a visually stimulating and unique environment.

Our aim is to deliver, nurture and develop the most innovative and inspirational design talents, and expose them to our friends at JOYCE."

Well, from this Cast Your Vote campaign, we can only say, it is 40 years down-the-drain of fashion going backwards, and we are not talking about vintage.  It is 40 years of elegance, class, and fashion sense permanently destroyed by this so-called creative era of hideous clothing!  So brace yourselves, be ready to be "visually stimulated" by these "unique" styles that will sure inspire you (to curse some) and make your stomachs churn...

This Fashion Blogger made our jaws dropped like there is no tomorrow.  2535 votes, one of the top rated "models" on the site.  Not sure what Rick Owens and Vivienne Westwood will think of his choice of picnic tablecloth top, lady's hat and flowery platform loafers, but we sure want to gave him a FP warrant without bail!  Hands up muthafucka!

This other one brings Hong Kong fashion into another level - the level of death penalty.  Oh and we are pretty sure 367 people are either blind or fancy the plastic bag lady in Central...

This last curse-inducing sample gives cross-dressing its new meaning.  You don't have to cross-dress your entire outfit, just the bottom half will give it so much new oomph that 1587 people in Hong Kong will think you are the hottest guy... or gal... alive!

So there you have it.  Hong Kong Fashion Police will need some time to regain its energy from this tragic, massive attack from Joyce.  We are not sure if this marketing stunt was to divert attention from the equally tragic political scene, but one thing is for sure, Hong Kong Fashion is dead!

I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you.

The world of fashion moves very fast, as the saying goes - "One day you're in, the next day, you're out." Though for Hong Kongers, it doesn't work that way because nobody really has a clue about what's in or out, or why the proverbial cat flap of good design sense lets everything but cats through.

Fortunately, this broken cat flap (aka I.T store) allows those who cling doggedly to dreams of becoming one of Hong Kong's most sought-after 'fashun icons' a distinct possibility; this illustrious list, among others, features the likes of Bosco Wong, Hilary Tsui, Hello Kitty and ... Luke Skywalker... <<<record scratch>>>

(click to see BIGGER version)

Tron style is IN this season in Hong Kong

When I saw this outfit in the window display of a trendy fashion store in Causeway Bay, I felt compelled to go inside and offer my life savings and lifetime unlimited bodily molestations to the service of gay monkey-faced midget priests with unregulated nostril hair.

Those without the gifted eye of (le) fashion, may be wondering why is this outfit so cool? I'll tell you why - for starters, it's got these cool shapes on it, like triangles, and cookie cutter moon-shaped crescents, and shit - all over the damn place, as if shapes were going out of fashion - No! Shapes will never go out of fashion dammit! When you wear an outfit like this, you get respect; total, utter, unabominable (yeah, I made that word up, so what?) respect. It's badass, because it looks like ...

this.

It's got the shapes, and shit. It's Tron, and Tron is the new black this season, if you didn't know already.

The guy pictured here, knows exactly what good fashion is, and he's got camel toe too, and camel toe is in.

Who would have believed that this 1982 movie (Tron)  could have been such inspiration for Hong Kong fashion designers?

Shapes are f*ckin' cool! I like Tron.


TRON!!

Eason Chan: Repeat Offender

Hong Kong tries to make up for its lack of vibrant gay culture and strict drug possession laws with popstar Eason Chan - a singing dancing one man carnival cum demon overlord/ 7th level of hell gatekeeper. Hong Kongers  love to emulate his ... um ... stuff.

When it stops raining and the sun comes out - a raincoat that doubles as a pair of curtains.

Preserve those wedding memories - this bridal gown is made from mothballs.

Still can't keep the moths at bay? dress up as a king moth.

The Bird Has the Final Word!

If Big Bird (of Sesame Street fame) could design clothing, would it look something like the contents of Eason Chan's wardrobe?

Let's interview this teleportation-experiment-gone-awry to find out:

Me: So what were you thinking (when you designed Eason Chan's outfits)?
Big Bird: When I design clothing, first and foremost, I like to think what would look good on me.

And there is your answer.