The HK Fashion Index Plunge

The Hang Seng Index (HSI) closed today at its lowest level in six weeks, which doesn't really surprise HK Fashion Police as we see Hong Kong-ers resolve to drapery and bed sheets to cover up as the cooler weather approaches.  Saving a few bucks here and there, yet still keeping up with the trend is an essential surviving skill during bad times. 

While everyone obsessed about the ups and downs of the HSI, HK Fashion Police are shocked to discover the secretive HK Fashion Index (HKFI)!  We are no expert in the field of indexes, but one thing is for sure, the HKFI has survived many turbulences in the 1980's and 1990's: shoulder pads, leg warmers, high-waisted jeans, oversized t-shirts, the works...  Interestingly, the HKFI trend coincides with the HSI perfectly, especially in recent years!  Of course, to convince our lovely readers, we need to utilize the ultimate fashion trendsetters in Hong Kong - celebs! - to prove our point.  Afterall, they themselves are the supreme benchmark for how Hong Kong people should dress, right?  Hilary Tsui can pretty much throw on some plastic bags, and the next day people will nod approvingly and reach for their wallets to buy plastic bags in bulk, even with the stupid plastic bag tax imposed...  Anyway, this picture in the papers today led to this awesome discovery:

Here's the (in)famous celeb couple - Hilary Tsui and Eason Chan on the left, demonstrating the fall of the HKFI on the very same day the HSI plummeted!  Isn't this brilliant?  The cool lads on the right looked somewhat sad and helpless, just like all of us sane ones - reminescing the good old days...

Mr. Asia and Hong Kong Chokers

Everyone admits the annual Mr. Hong Kong and Mr. Asia competitions are just little marketing stunts local TV channels attempt to inject variety to the boring television programming in town, but it has become the guilty pleasure of many.  As we laugh at actresses and celebrities screaming fakely as contestants strut their things (yes, don't take that literally), we notice the competition is no longer about the usual muscles or six-packs, it is purely a competition of "who's the cutest?"  Yes, literally "cute" as in "kawaii", "pretty", "dainty" girly, kiddy "cute"!

One of the potential Mr. Asia contestants posed as the Korean Wonder Girls as reporters snapped away.  Oh hang on a minute, doesn't this guy look familiar?  This is the guy that we mentioned last year shopping at H&M!  If Miss Hong Kong ever opens application for "cute" guys, we are pretty sure this guy will make the mad dash for it.  Afterall, who wants to miss a chance to become the next King of Chok after oh-so-handsome actor Lam Fung!

Lam Fung



Auntie "Chanel"

As we recollected ourselves after the devastated bombshell attack of Joyce, we were quickly hit by a life-threatening bright orange piece of shrapnel!  Loyal reader "Paula" contributed this masterpiece of fashion victim exhibit, taken on the MTR - the mecca of fashion faux pas.

"What is with this giant piece of walking orange 'Chanel' with black 'trendy' Jeremy Scott-wing-lookalike flip flops?!"  "Is she sleep-walking?"  "Is she carrying fish in her black bag?"  Okay, before we bombard ourselves with questions and pass out in shock, let's examine this specimen bit by bit:

1) Head: Geeky glasses with hair in almost bed-head condition - creating an "au naturale" look
2) Body: Orange sleepwear with holes on shoulders - creating a "sexy" and mysterious look (any underwear beneath?  We fantasized...)
3) Legs: No fancy socks and the unkempt toe nails complement nicely with the overall "au naturale" look

So if you look at it her closely, she's not that bad!  You know, we Hong Kong people always talk about how we should not judge people by the cover.  We should all look beneath the glamour of a walking ad for Chanel and see Auntie "Chanel" for her own simplicity!

Hat tip to reader "Paula" for this brilliant submission!

The Death of HK Fashion

It was a scene of devastation.  The office of Hong Kong Fashion Police faced the day of Armageddon when the ultimate bomb of fashion faux pas dropped upon us as our browsers brought us to Joyce - Cast Your Vote.  Thrown off by the swamp of human drapery, MBTs, dropped-crotch pants, and "creative" styles, it was indeed difficult for Hong Kong Fashion Police officers to gather their poise back.  Violent cursing was heard followed by furious keyboard slamming, rapid arms throwing and eyes rolling.  We all thought Hong Kong has hope (no, no, we are not talking about the two Chief Executives-to-be).  We thought Hong Kong people may come back to their senses with simple, down-to-earth, and normal clothings that started to appear in shops.  Boy, were we wrong...

Joyce is a well-respected high-end department store in Hong Kong.  On its site, it mentioned:

"JOYCE: pioneering fashion and creativity in Asia for over 40 years.

We present a definitive, carefully selected edit from the most creative brands in a visually stimulating and unique environment.

Our aim is to deliver, nurture and develop the most innovative and inspirational design talents, and expose them to our friends at JOYCE."

Well, from this Cast Your Vote campaign, we can only say, it is 40 years down-the-drain of fashion going backwards, and we are not talking about vintage.  It is 40 years of elegance, class, and fashion sense permanently destroyed by this so-called creative era of hideous clothing!  So brace yourselves, be ready to be "visually stimulated" by these "unique" styles that will sure inspire you (to curse some) and make your stomachs churn...

This Fashion Blogger made our jaws dropped like there is no tomorrow.  2535 votes, one of the top rated "models" on the site.  Not sure what Rick Owens and Vivienne Westwood will think of his choice of picnic tablecloth top, lady's hat and flowery platform loafers, but we sure want to gave him a FP warrant without bail!  Hands up muthafucka!

This other one brings Hong Kong fashion into another level - the level of death penalty.  Oh and we are pretty sure 367 people are either blind or fancy the plastic bag lady in Central...

This last curse-inducing sample gives cross-dressing its new meaning.  You don't have to cross-dress your entire outfit, just the bottom half will give it so much new oomph that 1587 people in Hong Kong will think you are the hottest guy... or gal... alive!

So there you have it.  Hong Kong Fashion Police will need some time to regain its energy from this tragic, massive attack from Joyce.  We are not sure if this marketing stunt was to divert attention from the equally tragic political scene, but one thing is for sure, Hong Kong Fashion is dead!

Lolita Invasion

Hong Kong ladies are always seeking ways to prolong and revive their youths, from their love of SKII to Hello Kittys.  Hong Kong Fashion Police were happy to spot this office lady during weekday lunch hour with full-blown Lolita gear.  She would have easily mistaken for those creative Cosplay kids spotted often at Hong Kong Polytechnic University on weekends!  That pretty headband and those little white socks sure bring back school day memories.  She also cleverly matched the look with this cute little handbag with little kittens and puppies print on it, together with those cute dangly key chains, it is just so nice to feel young again!

This other lady was also spotted during weekday lunch hour on the way back to the office.  Nothing speaks Gothic Lolita better than black tutus and leggings with semi-knee highs!  Her boss must be impressed with her courage and commitment to bring variety to the boring office.

This last girl... or little lady decided to turn this sailor top into a mini-mini-dress.  Hong Kong Fashion Police marveled at her skills in not exposing her private parts, and more so in her attention to details with her cute red bow headband!  Boyfriend is oh-so-proud!

Human Drapery

The neighbor's laundry goes flapping in the fierce wind on this typhoon day in Hong Kong, inspiring HK Fashion Police to comment on the loose-fitting drapery-style clothing spotted on many ladies in town...

"Once upon a time, women were bounded by those god-forbid hip-hugging sexy dresses and jeans, corsets and the lot, that demonstrate the beauty of the female body.  Time is different now, let's liberate, girlfriends!  Let's get loose!  The hell with being pretty and sexy, we just want to look comfortable, trendy, and 'drapery'!" Chants Lucy, President of the Hong Kong Association for Womens Drapery Clothing (HKAWDC).  "The time to act is now!  Trash all your fitting clothes!  Pull down the curtains, make them into trendy clothings!  Let's make a mark!"

With the success of HKAWDC, scores of women in town make their statement by wearing loose-fitting drapery-style pieces.  The effect is unprecedented.  Indecent behaviour on the MTR dropped to an all-time low.  Men in town no longer have the temptation to even look at women.  Women feel safe like never before!  HKADC is currently running another program for men's drapery clothing, guys, you better watch out!

Sasha and Coco

"I'm telling you, no matter what clothes I wear, he just won't look at me!" Sasha b*tches to her friend Coco on her iCRAPhone.  "I know he loves sportswear and crazy about the 80's, so today, I had on this really sexy Nike tank with a pink headband and a mini vest.  And you know that funky two-toned leggings we got the other day at I.T. and those baggy sandals?  Yes, mega-hotness!  But he still won't turn his head!!"  Sasha's boyfriend continues to stare blankly ahead, trying to avoid her rapid gunfire...  "Why don't you just pose like a ballerina in front of him?  Guys dig that!"  Coco advises as she rummages through the Mercibeaucoup sales rack.  "Oooh, oooh, I think it's working, he's slightly turning his head!  You're a genius, girl!"