October 16, 2012

Jesus is Back with Flying Colors!

And... we're back!  Apologies to our dear readers who have been starved for almost six months!  HK Fashion Police-men and -women were engaged in a number of career enhancement activities during the long break:  applying for secret dropped-crotch-arrest service, training for discrete-crime-scene-photo-taking, practicing disguise-your-distaste, mastering the art of resistance-to-punch-MBTers-in-the-face... so here we are HK Fashion Police: Season 2!

During this six month long break, HK Fashion Police continue to witness many fashion criminals begging for arrest.  Fortunately, we are happy to say there is a drop in dropped crotch pants in town and we can finally steer away from those hateful (and we are sure readers are bored by now) dropped crotchers.  We wondered if the trend has migrated?  Would love to hear from overseas readers!

We would like to make amends for our extended absence by spreading the news that Jesus is alive and back with Flying Colors!  To get up to speed with all the smartphone zombies in town, Jesus was also spotted busily typing away on his crackberry, which is oh-so-freaking-awesome!  And right in front of Burberry - Bless him!

Here is a closer look of our colorful Lord's son:

Now don't forget to say your prayers tonight, the Lord has answered your previous prayers, Jesus is back and so are we!

April 26, 2012

Omen Tights

After a 3-month hiatus, we are glad to be back to the fashion police world!  Our fashion police radars are blaring as we welcome the heat and humidity back to our beloved city.  Residents start shedding their thick black camouflage and don colorful tops, drop-crotched and tights!

Fashion bloggers of the world have been gaping at the lastest trend - ombre tights! 

Ombre tights are truly works of art!  Okay, okay, these slender long legs make them look ten times better, but still the natural gradation of color is soothing to the eyes...

Here on this tropical island, we have a smart twist to ombre tights, we call it "I-just-stepped-into-a-swamp" adaptation.  Not surprisingly, Hong Kong people love to add cherries of top of everything!  This lady here was spotted adding argyle socks on top of her wonderful "ombre" tights.  The effect is almost psychedelic!

Interestingly enough, this picture was taken before the news of the famous local sock shop in Causeway Bay forced to close down because of high rent (rumored to be $150,000). 

We'd say, the introduction of ombre tights is really an omen to the Hong Kong fashion world.  To that effect, ombre tights are now officially coined OMEN TIGHTS!

January 17, 2012

Wo(w)-Man Bags

Belated Happy New Year, dear FP readers!  Wishing everyone a strong, healthy and successful year braving another year of eye-sore fashion in town!  What is a good topic to start the new year?  We are pretty sure readers are tired of our drop-crotch and MBT posts, so why not start with something that we all love to hate - Man Bags!  I know, I know, man bags are old phenomenons and they have been given enough spotlight since we spot fashionable asian men slinging LV and Gucci small satchel man bags over their shoulders in the 90s.

Since then, all the mega brands started designing man bags for this new market.  These bags are generally small, functional and "man"ly.  However, we see this business quickly dissolving as man starting toting WO-man's bags lately.  We think these men are highly intelligent as they are quick to realize the great benefits of toting woman's bags:

1)  This can greatly enhance relationships as we can imagine couples engaging in bag-swap sessions, discussing the latest bag trends over a cup of tea and crumpets! 
2)  Men can save themselves from carrying their other halves' lady bags since they already have theirs to look after! 
3)  A visit to the Milan Station store will now be a treat rather one of those endless waiting-for-the-wives-outside-store chore!
4)  Investment in luxury bags is more worth it as it achieves maximum utilization between couples!
5) "Women and their bags" will be a saying of the past.  Go "Boy" power!

These fellas below are perfect examples of the wo(w)-man bag revolution.  So start revolutionalizing your ad campaigns, LVs and Guccis!  Remember to include men in your handbag promos, before they start demonstrating in your store fronts for wo(w)-man bag discrimination!

via electricsekki.com

November 24, 2011

The HK Fashion Index Plunge

The Hang Seng Index (HSI) closed today at its lowest level in six weeks, which doesn't really surprise HK Fashion Police as we see Hong Kong-ers resolve to drapery and bed sheets to cover up as the cooler weather approaches.  Saving a few bucks here and there, yet still keeping up with the trend is an essential surviving skill during bad times. 

While everyone obsessed about the ups and downs of the HSI, HK Fashion Police are shocked to discover the secretive HK Fashion Index (HKFI)!  We are no expert in the field of indexes, but one thing is for sure, the HKFI has survived many turbulences in the 1980's and 1990's: shoulder pads, leg warmers, high-waisted jeans, oversized t-shirts, the works...  Interestingly, the HKFI trend coincides with the HSI perfectly, especially in recent years!  Of course, to convince our lovely readers, we need to utilize the ultimate fashion trendsetters in Hong Kong - celebs! - to prove our point.  Afterall, they themselves are the supreme benchmark for how Hong Kong people should dress, right?  Hilary Tsui can pretty much throw on some plastic bags, and the next day people will nod approvingly and reach for their wallets to buy plastic bags in bulk, even with the stupid plastic bag tax imposed...  Anyway, this picture in the papers today led to this awesome discovery:

Here's the (in)famous celeb couple - Hilary Tsui and Eason Chan on the left, demonstrating the fall of the HKFI on the very same day the HSI plummeted!  Isn't this brilliant?  The cool lads on the right looked somewhat sad and helpless, just like all of us sane ones - reminescing the good old days...

November 10, 2011

Mr. Asia and Hong Kong Chokers

Everyone admits the annual Mr. Hong Kong and Mr. Asia competitions are just little marketing stunts local TV channels attempt to inject variety to the boring television programming in town, but it has become the guilty pleasure of many.  As we laugh at actresses and celebrities screaming fakely as contestants strut their things (yes, don't take that literally), we notice the competition is no longer about the usual muscles or six-packs, it is purely a competition of "who's the cutest?"  Yes, literally "cute" as in "kawaii", "pretty", "dainty" girly, kiddy "cute"!

One of the potential Mr. Asia contestants posed as the Korean Wonder Girls as reporters snapped away.  Oh hang on a minute, doesn't this guy look familiar?  This is the guy that we mentioned last year shopping at H&M!  If Miss Hong Kong ever opens application for "cute" guys, we are pretty sure this guy will make the mad dash for it.  Afterall, who wants to miss a chance to become the next King of Chok after oh-so-handsome actor Lam Fung!

Lam Fung

October 28, 2011

Auntie "Chanel"

As we recollected ourselves after the devastated bombshell attack of Joyce, we were quickly hit by a life-threatening bright orange piece of shrapnel!  Loyal reader "Paula" contributed this masterpiece of fashion victim exhibit, taken on the MTR - the mecca of fashion faux pas.

"What is with this giant piece of walking orange 'Chanel' with black 'trendy' Jeremy Scott-wing-lookalike flip flops?!"  "Is she sleep-walking?"  "Is she carrying fish in her black bag?"  Okay, before we bombard ourselves with questions and pass out in shock, let's examine this specimen bit by bit:

1) Head: Geeky glasses with hair in almost bed-head condition - creating an "au naturale" look
2) Body: Orange sleepwear with holes on shoulders - creating a "sexy" and mysterious look (any underwear beneath?  We fantasized...)
3) Legs: No fancy socks and the unkempt toe nails complement nicely with the overall "au naturale" look

So if you look at it her closely, she's not that bad!  You know, we Hong Kong people always talk about how we should not judge people by the cover.  We should all look beneath the glamour of a walking ad for Chanel and see Auntie "Chanel" for her own simplicity!

Hat tip to reader "Paula" for this brilliant submission!

October 12, 2011

The Death of HK Fashion

It was a scene of devastation.  The office of Hong Kong Fashion Police faced the day of Armageddon when the ultimate bomb of fashion faux pas dropped upon us as our browsers brought us to Joyce - Cast Your Vote.  Thrown off by the swamp of human drapery, MBTs, dropped-crotch pants, and "creative" styles, it was indeed difficult for Hong Kong Fashion Police officers to gather their poise back.  Violent cursing was heard followed by furious keyboard slamming, rapid arms throwing and eyes rolling.  We all thought Hong Kong has hope (no, no, we are not talking about the two Chief Executives-to-be).  We thought Hong Kong people may come back to their senses with simple, down-to-earth, and normal clothings that started to appear in shops.  Boy, were we wrong...

Joyce is a well-respected high-end department store in Hong Kong.  On its site, it mentioned:

"JOYCE: pioneering fashion and creativity in Asia for over 40 years.

We present a definitive, carefully selected edit from the most creative brands in a visually stimulating and unique environment.

Our aim is to deliver, nurture and develop the most innovative and inspirational design talents, and expose them to our friends at JOYCE."

Well, from this Cast Your Vote campaign, we can only say, it is 40 years down-the-drain of fashion going backwards, and we are not talking about vintage.  It is 40 years of elegance, class, and fashion sense permanently destroyed by this so-called creative era of hideous clothing!  So brace yourselves, be ready to be "visually stimulated" by these "unique" styles that will sure inspire you (to curse some) and make your stomachs churn...

This Fashion Blogger made our jaws dropped like there is no tomorrow.  2535 votes, one of the top rated "models" on the site.  Not sure what Rick Owens and Vivienne Westwood will think of his choice of picnic tablecloth top, lady's hat and flowery platform loafers, but we sure want to gave him a FP warrant without bail!  Hands up muthafucka!

This other one brings Hong Kong fashion into another level - the level of death penalty.  Oh and we are pretty sure 367 people are either blind or fancy the plastic bag lady in Central...

This last curse-inducing sample gives cross-dressing its new meaning.  You don't have to cross-dress your entire outfit, just the bottom half will give it so much new oomph that 1587 people in Hong Kong will think you are the hottest guy... or gal... alive!

So there you have it.  Hong Kong Fashion Police will need some time to regain its energy from this tragic, massive attack from Joyce.  We are not sure if this marketing stunt was to divert attention from the equally tragic political scene, but one thing is for sure, Hong Kong Fashion is dead!